


The Juicer

by Holy_Leonards



Category: Star Trek: The Original Series
Genre: Alcohol, Anal Sex, Blood, Juicer, M/M, Proposed threeway, Sex, kirk death, sex dialogue, spock death, vampire
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-17
Updated: 2015-08-17
Packaged: 2018-04-15 04:40:38
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 632
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4593171
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Holy_Leonards/pseuds/Holy_Leonards
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kirk and Spock search sickbay after having some questionable alcohol.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Juicer

Kirk stopped into sickbay to offer up his irresistible deal to Bones.

“No, Jim.”

“Why not? A three way with Spock and I would be like nothing you've ever experienced before.”

“You're damn right! It would be stinky as all hecky.”

“Oh come on, Bones, he doesn't fart /that/ much.”

“I do his medical examinations I think I know how bad that Vulcan stinks.”

“Whatever.”

McCoy handed Jim a drink.

“I'm just not up to having a three way. You know that I just coul-”

“Just couldn't fill his shoes. Yes, we know. You say that every time.”

“I'm needed here and not off in some strange sexy world sandwiched between you two. I like you, Jim, and I can tolerate your first officer smelly, but I'm just not ready yet.”

“Alright, Bones. I'll give you more time to prepare your body.”

Jim lifted the drink to his mouth but stopped right before the glass touched his lips. He looked at the liquid inside and looked over at McCoy.

“What is this stuff? It looks like blood.”

McCoy's face got commie red.

“It's not blood you damn fool! It's...uh...some newfangled Vulcan hot weather mumbo ginbo hullabaloo super whiskey wine vodka secret beer. All wrapped in one.”

McCoy put on that big, wide grin. Jim downed it and made a disgusted face.

“It sure tastes like blood, Bones.”

“Dammit, it's not!”

“Fine, fine. Well, I'm going to head back up to the bridge. See you later.”

McCoy just grumbled as Kirk left.

 

Later on, while Kirk and Spock were getting all freaky weaky, Kirk remembered the bloodcahol and brought it up to Spock.

“Well UGHHH Captain HNNN I OH GODS think HOLYMOSIA it cou- SWEET JESUS BIKE ld be GUUUAAAAAH blood HUNGH!”

“You-really-think-so?”

“WOWZA I do SWEETLOGIC and I QWWWAAUU believe HUH it would GODDIVINE be worth- SOOOIIII while to WOWOWOWOW Investigate OH MY LOGICAL ORGASMMMMMMMMMMM AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH AH!”

Kirk pulled out and grabbed the towel by the bed. He threw it over Spock's penis and Spock got to work cleaning himself up. 

“Would you wanna come investigate it with me, Spock?”

“Yes, Jim, let's go right now.”

They held hands and skipped their way to sickbay. Bones was asleep in one of the chairs and they tiptoed with each other past him. They closed the door to the bed area off and they looked around for the bottle. It was hidden under a pile of used bandages. Spock put his tricorder up to it and took a good reading.

“It seems to be the blood of redshirt #324”

“He's killing people? ON MY SHIP?”

“That would be the most logical conclusion, Jim.”

“Shut up sweet lips. Let's see if we can find some more evidence.”

They looked around a little more and couldn't find anything. Spock decided to sit on the bed closest to the back of the room. As his fine booty touched the mattress, it pressed a button that opened a secret door on that end of the room. They went inside and saw a huge green juicer in the middle of a dark room. The mouth of it was stained red. On the left was a huge pile of red starfleet uniforms. 

“Well well well, you couldn't keep damn well alone.”

They turned around to see McCoy, his eyes glowing red.

“What is this!” Kirk shouted

“It is how I stay so young and wrinkle free, Jim.”

Spock giggled.

“SHUT UP YOU LITTLE GREEN HOBGOBLIN.”

McCoy ran over and grabbed Spock. He lifted him over his head and threw him into the juicer. 

“Nobody could find out I was a vampire. NOBODY”

McCoy picked up Jim and threw him into the juicer as well. McCoy enjoyed a fine glass of Kirk and Spock whiskey super gin wine vodkaroo.


End file.
